The strong daughter isn't always unbreakable
by Bri White
Summary: When Stef and Lena's daughter finally breaks under everything she deals with in her life how will it impact them and their family. It helps if you read one of my other two stories about my oc (taylor) but it'll still make sense if you haven't. This will show how self harm and depression can really impact a family. Much better than my summary, that I promise. Read past chapter 1 plz
1. Chapter 1

Trigger warning, dealing with self harm and depression right now and this story is how Is gonna be dark. Itm writing while upset and crying, so I apologize now for that.

Taylor had been getting bad again, she was always angry, always tired, always sad. Taylor had kept it quiet about **before she entered the Foster home. And when Lena found her the second time after school she promised that she hadnt deep enough to leave any scars, days later they would fade and she would pretend it never happened. **

**She had tried to kill herself once but Stef had stopped her, she clearly wasnt need to go to regular sessions anymore. Taylor had tricked the system. She had tricked herself, she had pretended to be happy for long enough, she almost believed it. **

**Stef and Lena began to believe that that Taylor was the flawless child. The strong kid who had been through some horrible stuff but was still one of the happiest girls ever. Maybe the strong kid wasnt very happy at all. **

**But now, now things at school were getting worse. And she seemed to be angrier and angrier at her family. She and Mariana were currently in a fight but Taylor was too depressed to remember what it was about, or even to care. **

**Taylor had been sitting on the couch when Mariana came into the house yelling at her, **

**Taylor was shocked, tears began to stream down her face. She quickly jumped off the couch and ran up the stairs past Stef and Lena who were standing on the stairs and into her room where she locked the door and fell the the floor sobbing. As she was sitting on her floor she pulled out her journal, another hidden thing from her past. She flipped to an open page but couldnt focus enough to write. Shaking, she quickly stood up and began to pace while sobbing. She knew exactly what she wanted to do, she had been wanting to cut for a really long time. Taylor knew that Marianat have hurt her that badly, she knew Mariana probably didnt seem to calm down enough. She had been having this problem a lot lately, nightmares waking her up at 2am and not being able to sleep or stop shaking afterwards. **

**She had been having trouble eating, and when she didnt sleep most nights and the nights she did she slept for hours and had trouble waking herself up in the morning to get to school. It was clear to anyone who knew the signs, Taylor was severely depressed. She knew it herself, but refused to admit it. **

**Finally sitting down again, she somehow managed to quiet her sobs. Taylor was still shaking but somehow managed to take the razor to her arm and made a relatively straight mark. Frowning as she looked at her arm, dropping her razor to the group she grabbed the cap of her pen. It was a quicker way to cut her arm. **

**She whispered. Taylor sitting still staring at the marks on her arm, Taylor noticed the blood that began to flow from her arm. She quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her arm tightly hoping it would stop the blood before someone came to ask why she was locked in her room. **

**With the towel around her arm, she went to lie down on her bed. Closing her eyes, and resting her head on her arm that now had cuts and scratches across it she stopped crying. She was still alive and her arm hurt more than her everything going through her head, for the moment. **

**After about five or so minutes, Taylort feel anything anymore, she wasnt angry, hurt or sad. She just felt, numb. Taylor quietly sat there for another few minutes, a teacher had asked her the other day if she cut and she wanted to tell them yes, she wanted to stop and she wanted help but she was afraid that Stef and Lena would then find out. And she didnt want people to start fussing over her, she didnt want to pity of people when they found out what she did. **

**Authorm actually really sorry about this chapter of my new story. It what made me happy not to write. I love writing and I love your reviews, I just need to write a story that deals with more emotional things than a story with a love story and a happy girl. Anyways, would you like me to continue this story? And if I do continue the story should I continue to put myself into taylor or just follow a storyline. I could do both if thatll probably update this, (and my other Taylor stories) soon. Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay I need a volunteer." Taylor's science teacher announces to the class as he places two containers with liquid and cotton balls on the empty table next to her. Being in advanced earth science meant she didn't have any of her friends of siblings in the class leaving the seat next to her empty.

"Taylor, you're right here you can do it." The teacher decided as he continued to set up the experiment.

Taylor rolled her eyes, it was the eighth block of the day and there was only twenty minutes left of class, she had just been about to mentally check out of the class when her teacher decided he wanted her, the only kid who didn't volunteer, to be the one that helped with this experiment.

"Okay, pull up your sleeves." The teacher instructed.

Taylor just quickly shook her head, "What, why? No!" She said no more forcefully than she meant to but she just kept thinking back to the fresh scars from last night. She really didn't want to display her cut up arms to the entire class and her teacher for some stupid science grade. Plus she was pretty sure it was required for her teachers to report back to the vice principal or principal or someone if a teacher found out that a student had been cutting. And it wasn't even just her vice principal, it was her mother. Someone she couldn't disappoint with her weak need to cut.

"Taylor, could I talk to you real quick after class?" The teacher asked after Taylor had refused to pull up her sleeves and participate in the experiment.

"I, uh, I don't have long. I think my mom wants me to hurry so we can get home. Family dinner or something tonight." Taylor lamely came up with an excuse trying to get away without talking to her teacher.

"This won't take long, I promise I'll let your mom know why you were late." The teacher tried to reassure her as he closed the classroom door. Shit, Taylor thought, she knew a closed door meant the teacher wanted to ask her something "personal" and expected her to answer, "honestly."

"Why were you so reluctant to participate today during the experiment?" The teacher asked, he obviously didn't take the same course all her other teachers had of, "if you wanted to ever talk to me, this is a safe space to do so" crap.

Taylor shrugged, "I don't like participating in situations of which I don't know what's going to happen. When someone tells me to expose any part of my body so they can do some sort of experiment, I don't like the fact that I'm not in control. I now know it was only water and rubbing alcohol," Taylor paused, which would have practically caused me to cry from pain if you have ever seen how many cuts I have on my arm she thought before returning her attention to the teacher. "I would have participated had I understood that was all it was and why we were conducting this experiment in class. I'm sorry and will try to participate more the next time." She apologized with a fake sympathetic smile.

The teacher slowly nodded, "As long as there isn't another reason that you refused to take off your jacket or roll up your sleeves."

Taylor just pressed her lips together again and forced another smile, "There's no reason. Thank you, I've got to get going before my mom starts to worry." She said slowly slipping out the door of the classroom, as she entered the hallway she whispered to herself, "And if there was a reason you wouldn't find out. I don't trust you, and you just made the entire class wonder why you jerk."

Taylor sprinted across the beach so that she could just get to her mom's car. She was ready to go home and go to her room, it had been a stressful week and it seemed like more and more people began to ask her about why she was always wear long sleeves. And the weather was getting even warmer and it was hard to convince everyone she was still cold.

"Hey love, I was beginning to think you had walked home with a friend." Lena smiled as her daughter fell into the passenger seat next to her. Taylor just shook her head no and plugged into her music while staring out the window.

It took a while before Taylor realized that Lena wasn't driving in the direction of their house but instead just driving around. Taking her ear buds out she faced Lena, "Is there a reason we're driving in circles?"

Lena couldn't help but chuckle, if no one knew better Taylor would have been Stef's daughter with her temper. "Is there a reason you aren't telling me what you're thinking? You've been listening to music and staring out the window for twenty-five minutes."

Taylor just shrugged, "My friend wants to talk to one of her teachers because she's been self harming." Taylor slowly explained while coming up with the lie, "But she doesn't want her parents to know. And I was trying to remember if teachers are required to report that type of stuff."

Lena watched her daughter carefully, something about the story didn't seem right but Taylor gave no signs that it was a lie. "I'm not sure exactly if it's required to report it but if it were you or one of your siblings I'd want to know as your mom, and would be quiet upset if a teacher didn't tell me that they thought you were harming yourself.

Shit. Now I can't talk to anyone about it. Taylor thought as she nodded, "I was trying to get her to tell her parents anyways, if she needs help she needs help. That doesn't make her weak."

Lean finally pulled into the drive way. Taylor smiled at her mom, even though it was killing her that she just lied to her mother. The teen grabbed her bookbag and ran up the stairs to her room before falling onto her bed. She was screwed, she couldn't talk to anyone and if they saw they would tell Lena. Taylor began to shake again, she was just so angry that there was no one she could talk to about this. She took a razor out of her drawer again but put it back as she heard Lena come up the stairs. "Come on, it's movie night. Girls choice this week."

Taylor nodded and smiled faintly. She was just going to keep on faking it and breaking down when she was alone at two in the morning.

Author's note:

Thank you for all your amazing reviews. Something weird happened yesterday when I uploaded the first chapter so I'm sorry for that. Again I took a situation from my life to put into taylor's story. I really want someone to talk to but I'm afraid a teacher will have to contact my parents, i'm not sure if there's any rules on that or not. Anyways I added a bit of story into my story with the interaction with Lena. What did you think and what do you want to see. I didn't cut so far today and I'm about to go to bed so one day clean. Yay?


	3. Chapter 3

Stef and Lena were sitting at the table drinking their morning cup of coffee when Callie heard them quietly talking to eachother. "But our daughter, I didn't think she would do that." Lena whispered causing Callie to stop. Callie didn't make a noise, wanting to know what was going on with one of her sisters.

"Maybe it really was for a friend that she was asking. She's seemed to be a lot happier now. And besides, Taylor's on meds and just got cleared to stop therapy sessions. I don't think she would cut herself." Stef's voice could be heard.

"But," Lena didn't sound convinced, "We have stopped her from harming herself before. Twice that we know of, there may of be other times before she came to us. She might have stopped sessions and things started getting to be to much in her head. And it's been almost a year now since her trial, maybe something's triggering her?"

Callie stood still for a minute outside of the doorway to the kitchen, her moms were worried that Taylor had been cutting. Callie closed her eyes trying to remember if she had seen anything on Taylor's arms or legs while they were in their room together. She couldn't seem to remember anything but a lot of times it's not something you would notice unless you were looking.

Lena sighed, "Should I ask her teachers? They're required by law to tell administration about it and then contact the parents. So if she just told one of them Friday, then maybe they'll say something to me on monday?"

There was a moment of silence before Stef spoke again, "Didn't you tell her that you weren't sure if teachers had to report it? Maybe she was asking before she trusted somebody, besides love, Taylor would come to one of us. She know's that she has an emotional bond with both of us and came to you once."

At this point, footsteps could be heard coming down the stairs so Callie stepped into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee, acting as if she hadn't heard that whole conversation between her two moms.

Taylor was the next child to enter the kitchen and everyone looked up at her, concern in their eyes and she could tell that Lena had been talking to Stef. Smiling and pretending she didn't notice she opened the fridge looking for yogurt to make a breakfast shake.

"Morning loves." Stef said, she was trying not to stare at her youngest daughters long sleeves but couldn't help but wonder if she was wrong and Taylor had cuts up her arms.

Taylor sensed Stef staring at her and put the yogurt back in the fridge before looking up towards her moms, "Could I go for a run before breakfast? Or even better a run and then swim? I promise I'll be back before the other kids get up."

Lena looked to her wife, who was still staring at Taylor's arms, "I don't see anything wrong with it. Do you Stef?"

Stef finally came back from her trance shaking her head, "Sure, maybe Jesus would like to get up and go with you."

Taylor's smile flattered slightly but only enough that Callie noticed it, "Sure, I'll go see if he is awake and grab my swimsuit." She turned and slowly exited the kitchen before running up the stairs. Going into her room and turning to face away from Mariana incase she woke up, Taylor took off her long sleeves and noticed her cuts hadn't began to scab over, she was slightly worried. Closing her eyes she ran the tips of her fingers of the scabs before the sound of her bedroom door opening caused her to jump and begin slipping on her swimsuit and then her long sleeve shirt again.

Waiting for Taylor to turn around so she wouldn't scare her, Callie quickly began looking at Taylor, searching for scars, she didn't see anything wrong with her legs but couldn't catch a glimpse of her arms. "Hey, if Jesus wasn't coming with you, I was hoping I could."

Smiling, Taylor nodded even though inside she was screaming, "Sure, I don't think I'll be able to awake Jesus for at least another hour so you can come if you'd like." She faced away from her sister, shit, now Callie's gonna see my scars if I take my shirt off to swim but if I don't swim it's going to look suspicious. She thought.

Digging through the closet Taylor found a pair of short running shorts that were black and neon green, a color combination Mariana hated, and slipped them on. "Ready?" She asked facing Callie who was wearing a tee-shirt and shorts.

Within five minutes the two were out the door and running down the street, "So how long have you been awake?" Taylor asked just trying to keep her mind off how she was going to hide her arms when they reached the beach.

"Uh, not long. In fact I walked into the kitchen right before you did." Callie lied. She was biting her lip, a nervous habit of hers, hopping Taylor couldn't tell she was lying.

"So what was Stef and Lena talking about that freaked you out so badly, because one, you're lying to me now." Taylor said looking to her older sister, seeing Callie's puzzled expression she explained, "you're biting your lip and cracking your knuckles. You nervous habits." Taylor couldn't help but smile at Callie's expression of surprise, "and two you hate running. So something must be happening.

Callie sighed, she was clearly caught, but she didn't want to hurt Taylor by asking. "Well they were talking about you. I guess they're worried because you asked about your friend and if teachers had to report self harm."

Taylor closed her eyes, she knew that everyone had been watching her. Her hands began to shake, Taylor took a breath and began to run harder and faster. Callie couldn't know! Stef and Lena had no way of knowing.

"Taylor slow down! Not all of us run races for fun!" Callie called out exasperated, as she tried to keep pace with her younger sister.

"Sorry." Taylor muttered but had trouble slowing her pace. She still just wanted to run faster until she didn't feel the need to cut anymore. She was getting angry, people didn't need to know she cut. She didn't want them to know! But that only caused her to want to cut more, she was so angry that she was stupid and needed to release all of her anger and pain.

"Is your friend alright?" Callie asked cautiously.

Taylor shrugged, "She cuts, so by most people's definition, no. But she uses it as a release. To her, if she can cut she's alright. It's hard to explain." Taylor was slowing her pace to a walk as the two girls approached the beach.

Callie just nodded. "Ready to swim?"

Taylor sat down on the beach, "Why don't you go in ahead of me, I've got to stretch real quick." She said hoping to get rid of Callie so she could find a way to get in without Callie seeing the cuts.

Finally defeated Callie sighed, "It's not your friend is it? It's you? Either way you should know that if you report it to a teacher they are required by law to report it. Part of their job. So they'd have to tell Lena or Sanchez or a counselor. It would probably be Lena because then they've told administration and your mother at the same time. Lena told you she didn't know hoping you'd tell a teacher and they could come to her. She knew you were lying about it being a friend."

Taylor sat frozen, "W...Wh..What? What are you talking about? I told you it was my friend! You don't know what you're talking about, it's my friend! I'm on pills remember, and I was allowed out of therapy! I'm better now it's my friend!" Taylor was practically yelling.

Callie just closed her eyes and shook her head no as she pulled up the hem of her shirt exposing her hip. "You tricked the system into thinking you were okay. And you stopped taking your pills, I found the plastic bag the other day in one of your shoes that was filled with them. And I know all of this because I was you once." Callie said still holding the each of her shirt over her hip exposing some old scars. They were almost white which means it was a while ago. "I've been clean for a while now. I relapsed after my trial with Liam but only once and then I promised to stop. And I have but it was hard without letting our moms help me. You should tell them."

Taylor was still frozen, "I didn't know you had cut." Was all she could manage.

Callie shrugged, "And no one knew you did either until you told us. Well almost told Lena and then confirmed it to me just then. Can I see them? The cuts, to make sure they're not infected? I promise not to judge or say anything to our moms." She bent down and took her sisters hands in hers, looking Taylor in the eyes, pleading with her. "You're my sister, I love you, I want to make sure you're alright."

Taylor pulled her hands away from Callie and took her long sleeved shirt off, "Here." She said sticking her arms out and exposing the fresh cuts from the other night. "It's from two days ago, when Mariana told me to go kill myself."

Callie just sat and stared at her sister's arms, cut in no order just cuts, slashed across her arms and her heart almost broke. "How about we go swim now? Okay?"

Taylor just slowly nodded, "Well actually we don't really have time. We have to be back in twenty minutes." She quickly pulled her shirt back on and stood up ready to run again. "Let's go." She said as she started sprinting home. Callie was struggling not to run up and talk to Taylor but she could tell her younger sister was ahead because she was crying.

"Hey girls! How was your run?" Lena asked as she saw the two come in the front door.

Taylor looked to her moms who were sitting on the couch watching the morning news, "Good. We didn't end up swimming because the water was cold," and salty and would have killed my freshish cuts, she thought, "but the run part was fun."

Lena smiled, "Do you want to come watch something with us? The other kids are still in bed, you know how Saturdays are."

Callie used this as a way to excuse herself, "I've got homework but maybe I'll come down after."

Stef smiled and nodded, as her oldest daughter went up the stairs, "Taylor, you want to join us?"

Taylor just shrugged, saying no would have caused questions, "I'll go change and be right down."

Taylor ran up the stairs and grabbed an old college sweatshirt from Lenas drawer, the sweatshirt had extra long sleeves that went over Taylor's hands and a pair of tight yoga pants from her own room. After changing she went downstairs into the living room with her moms to watch something.

"Come here," Stef motioned for her daughter to come lie on her left side. Taylor winced, being on Stef's left side meant that she was lying on her right arm, the one she cut the most.

Lena heard Taylor's noise of pain, "You alright love?"

Taylor faked a smile, even though she was close to tears because of the pain, "Yeah fine, just sore I guess." An uneasy silence settled over the room, "Uh I was actually thinking about what we were talking about yesterday. I wanted to ask you a question about it. What can happen to her if those get infected?"

Lena quickly looked to Stef, panic in her eyes, "Well hopefully she could trust her parents enough to talk to them about her self harm. So she could get help, especially if the cuts were infected."

Taylor sighed as a single tear rolled down her cheek, "Moms, I want to ask you something..."

Stef and Lena both knew what she was about to tell them and they nodded smiling slightly.

"You already know don't you?" She whispered.

**Author's note:**

**So I guess that's where I choose to leave my story for the night. I used Callie in this chapter, my friend found out today that I cut because some parents at our martial arts school were talking about my scars they saw. Thankfully it wasn't my parents. And I based a lot of Callie in this chapter off from what my friend said to me. As for the end of my chapter I didn't tell my parents I instead was talking to a few of my friends who are like older siblings. Anyways I was wondering what you thought of this chapter and what you thought should happen in the future. Thank you for all your support on the story but more importantly thank you for all your support with my self harm. Days clean: 2 :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Taylor started crying, she didn't understand why but couldn't seem to stop. The tears just continued to stream down her face.

"Oh love," Lena tried to calm her daughter by wrapping Taylor into a hug. "Love, talk to us. Don't block us out now." She tried to pull Taylor close to her but Taylor began to scream and pull away from her mother.

"Stop! Don't touch me, I'm a disappointment, I'm a screw up!" Taylor sobbed pulling away from Lena, trying to stand up to run off before Stef pulled her back onto the couch and used her strength to hold Taylor still while she sat sobbing into her mom's shoulder.

"Talk to us, you're not a disappointment. We just need you to talk to us." Lena's soft voice soothed Taylor. Stef noticed a hint of hurt in her wife's voice after seeing Taylor respond better to her rather than Lena.

Taylor took a short breath to calm herself, and sat up, wiping tears from her face and looked directly at Lena. "I'm sorry but I can't explain why I do it. I don't understand it. I stopped taking my pills, I didn't want to be that weird girl with depression. I felt like people were always giving me pity. Like my teachers knew and were just giving me my grades and that people were just giving me everything so I'd feel better about my life. I know it doesn't make sense."

Both Stef and Lena had dealt with teenagers who cut before, it was part of their jobs. They had heard practically the same speech before, but something about it this time made it harder to understand. This was their daughter, that was the something that made this harder than any other time they've had to deal with troubled teenagers.

"Why aren't you yelling at me? I thought...aren't you..." Taylor continued to mumble, it was scaring her that her moms reactions weren't the way she had planned them to be, everything she had read said that her family and friends would yell at her and tell her she's an attention-seeker but Stef and Lena seemed calm, they hadn't yelled at least.

"Taylor, we aren't going to yell at you." Lena said calmly while clearly looking to Stef to make sure her wife got that memo. Stef had a tendency to get angry when she was hurt or something wasn't exactly the way it was meant to be.

Stef nodded after a minute, "And we aren't going to tell you to "just stop". She explained to her daughter, "Of course, we can't just let you go on hurting yourself..."

Taylor cut off her mom in mid-sentence, "Please don't make me go back to therapy! Or the pills, please. I hate them and the sessions are useless, she doesn't understand. I'd rather just talk to someone who understands, like...uh never mind."

Stef and Lena waited for their daughter to continue, "Like who? Love, talk to us, you can't keep freezing on us."

Taylor wiped away another tear, "I just don't like people telling me they know me better than I do. Can't I skip therapy sessions and just talk to you two? I mean momma has some degree with child psychology or something to teach right? Doesn't that count for something. Please? I'll do anything to stay away from that again."

Stef and Lena looked to each other, silently having a conversation between themselves. They couldn't have their daughter hurting herself, but it was pretty clear that sending her to talk to someone she didn't trust for a few hours a week wasn't going to be much help either. Their hands were tied.

Stef was the first one to speak, finally letting go of her daughter believing that Taylor wasn't going to try and run off again, "Well the first thing is, you know that we love you. And we are always going to love you. We're your moms and we are going to help you get through this. But we really need to work on getting you to stop hurting yourself, okay? And I know that it won't be overnight."

Taylor could only nod in acknowledgement. Stef stopped talking so Taylor turned to face Lena, who appeared to be having trouble formulating words, finally she closed her eyes and then looked to Taylor, "We won't send you back to therapy, on three conditions. One, you still need to take your anti-depressants, no matter how "happy" you try convincing us you are, I don't want to lose you. Two, you have to talk to mom and I. Everyday, every few hours, whenever you need to but you need to talk to us if you don't want to go to therapy. And finally we need to find a release for you. Some way you can calm yourself down that isn't self harm."

Taylor couldn't help but laugh, her moms were dealing with this a lot better than she imagined, a lot better than any other scenario she was warned about. "That's a lot better than I thought." She barely choked out the words.

Taylor had no idea what she thought her release was going to be, and she was glad that her moms didn't make her promise just to instantly stop cutting. It was unreasonable to expect her to have an instant change. She understood that they were going to want her to hand over her razors, sharpened pen caps and hair clips she had broken so they were sharp enough to cut. She was almost alright with that. Taylor was slowly going to recover and she was alright with having her moms help her with that, for now at least. Each day was going to become it's own struggle.

**Author's note: **

**I really don't like this chapter but I know people wanted to see Taylor talk to her moms. I'm not sure what people think of this, I know it's not my best because I'm upset and wanted to write a more emotional chapter. It's also not as great as my other chapter because I've never told my parents, or anyone really that I need help so I don't know how they would react. Anyways, I'd love to hear what you think about it. And if anyone has any ideas for Taylor's new "release", if not I'm sure I know something. Anyways, thank you for previous reviews, favorites and follows, each one makes me smile. Six days clean! :) Thanks for all the support. lots of love! **


	5. Chapter 5

Taylor was in her room, lying on her bed facing the wall. She could tell that Stef was sitting in the doorway but she didn't want to talk to her. Taylor had been avoiding being alone with Stef since she had told Stef and Lena about her cutting. Taylor loved both her moms but she felt like she had disappointed Stef more than Lena.

"Mom?" She whispered without turning to face the bedroom doorway.

Stef quickly but silently wiped the tears from her face, "Hey Sweetie, I didn't realize you were awake already. Lena and the others left for school already. Momma and I decided after last night you could use the rest and miss a day of school."

Taylor finally rolled over to face Stef finally and could tell that she had been crying. The teen said nothing as two tears rolled down her face, "last night" came rushing back to her.

Taylor hadn't been able to sleep for the last few hours, she had been awake since eleven and decided to log online to check the messages from her anonymous online account. The moment she saw all the "questions" she had been asked she wished she hadn't decided to log on. Everything she read was hate questions. Not wanting to wake her sisters, Taylor had run down the stairs into the backyard and began sobbing. Stef and Lena heard their daughter and ran out in the backyard after her.

Taylor explained to her mother what the site was and what people had written to her. Lena just held her daughter as Taylor shook and tried to run into the house to find something to cut with. Stef went into the house, she tried to act calm but Taylor could tell how angry she truly was. Stef grabbed Taylors computer, brought it into the kitchen and deleted every question and finally the account.

Taylor spent another few minutes crying before Lena or Stef said anything. Lena's soft voice was all it took for Taylor to completely lose all of her strength. "Talk." Was all Lena said.

Taylor wasn't sure if it was the fact that it was two in the morning or that she was just tired of holding all of her emotions inside but she just started rambling. "Why do people hate me? What did I ever do to deserve this? I'm nice to people, I don't do anything offensive but I'm the one they choose to hate! Why?" She went on with this for about an hour. Eventually Lena coaxed the distraught teen to come inside and up to her moms room. Taylor gave in and curled up into a ball on her moms bed but didn't sleep. She stayed awake until about four when Stef picked her up and tried to carry her as if she was six and fallen asleep in the car. Taylor quietly awoke and snuggled into Stef's shoulder. Falling asleep again she remembered hitting her bed and seeing Stef turn off the alarm set for school the next morning.

Stef smiled at her daughter who now lie in her bed shivering because she forgot to close her window last night and recalling the events of last night.

"Mom." Taylor tried to choke out again. Another few tears rolled down her face, she hated disappointing all the people who believed that she could do something with her life, and Stef had believed in her since day one.

Stef just shook her head no, "Love, it's alright. You don't have to try and explain it to me. I still love you, I know you've been worried about talking to me since you told me but it's okay because I still know you're going somewhere in this world and you have two moms on your side to help you get there. Close your eyes and get some sleep I'll be right here and when you get up we can go get some breakfast." Stef smiled even though it was killing her that Taylor felt like she had to hurt herself.

Taylor couldn't help the corners of her lips forming a hint of a smile. She had been so afraid that Stef was going to be upset and blame herself for her daughter cutting. "Pancakes?" Taylor giggled, it was the only thing that Stef seemed to like cooking.

The sound of Taylor's giggle made Stef so happy that only a parent could understand. Taylor was her baby girl and knowing that she hurt herself made Stef worry about her, the fact that Taylor could giggle, even just a moment of happiness, was progress. "Pancakes. Or I'll take you out for hot chocolate and French toast. Your choice."

Taylor smiled and pulled a sweater on underneath the blanket before untangling herself from the sheets and falling off the bed. Taylor still hadn't shown either of her moms her cuts and scars, she hadn't felt like she could walk around in short sleeves.

"It's seventy something degrees. You're gonna overheat in that." Stef said softly looking at her daughter who was wearing a sweater and jeans with combat boots. The only skin showing was her face. Stef knew that Taylor was trying to hide her scars from her but she wanted Taylor to feel comfortable to walk around without sweaters.

Taylor shrugged, "I'm just cold." The lie was so easy and didn't require much thought at all until Taylor realized Stef knew why and it was a lame excuse. Looking at her mom she corrected herself, "It's not that hot, my body has gotten used to it. Plus I don't want anyone to look at my cuts and draw attention to myself."

Stef sighed and walked over to her daughter, "Love, look at me, those scars, as much as I wish they weren't always a reminder about you hurting yourself, they show how strong you are. Some people will stare, some might even ask you about them. Those who tell you anything bad about them will have to deal with momma and me. But those scars are nothing you have to hide, it shows that you weren't always healthy but that now you're working on getting better. So please, at least so you don't overheat take off the sweater and wear a light long sleeve shirt." Stef didn't want to force Taylor to expose a part of herself that she seemed so ashamed off but she want to make sure her daughters health was in mind.

Taylor was using all the strength she could not to cry, to have her mom understand and promise not to judge her because of her scars was the only thing she wanted from Stef.

Stef's voice kept Taylor from crying, "Would you mind showing me them?" She slowly reached for Taylor's hands and when Taylor didn't move Stef inspected her arms and sighed a short sigh of relief when she saw that Taylor had cut mostly just her forearms and the other side of her arms seemed to be only cut once or twice.

When Taylor said nothing after allowing Stef to look at her cuts, Stef took it as much progress as she could. The two were soon after off to breakfast, Taylor in a short sleeve shirt.

"It looks pretty neat doesn't it?" Stef's voice caused Taylor to jump. She had been staring through the window of a karate school for almost ten minutes just watching what was going on. Stef handed her daughter a cup of hot chocolate and joined her in watching the class.

"It's really cool." Taylor replied shaking her head in amazement.

Stef couldn't help but smile at the amazement in Taylor's eyes, "I think we found something to try as your new outlet. If you wanted."

Taylor eagerly nodded, "Really? That'd be so cool to try! But there's also something I like to try if that's alright. I don't know if it would work but I was thinking maybe I could do singing lessons or something? I love singing and I know Brandon's dad pays for his piano but I was hoping if you had some extra money, or I would get a job. Anything really, music just seems to really help me."

Stef just kept smiling and nodding while she listened to her daughter's usual rambling, "Well talk to momma about it but I think it would be something nice to try. And how come all of you kids are so musical and momma and I aren't?"

Taylor giggled, "That's not true, Brandon had to get it from someone. And I've seen you searching through music before, you're almost as bad as Brandon finding the "perfect" song. You were doing it last night."

Stef nodded, "I was looking for a song for you. I remembered this old song. There was a girl who came into the station a few times, she was looking for someone to help her and she talked to me once or twice. She sang this song a few times, it made me think of you my beautiful baby girl." Stef added the last part just to see Taylor roll her eyes and smile. "Do you want me to play it for you on the way home?"

Taylor nodded slowly, not sure if she wanted to hear the song or not. "Sure, can we go home now?

Stef nodded, while beginning to walk to the car. "Come on love." When the two got into the car Taylor pulled her feet onto the seat, something that Lena would have scolded her for but Stef let slide, Taylor then rested her head on her knees and closed her eyes. Stef took this as the time to search her ipod and start playing the song.

You come to me with scars on your wrist

You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this

At this point Taylor recognized the song, she was struggling not to cry while listening to the song. She decided to sing along, she had planned to do so quietly but the next part was her favorite part of the song and she sang a bit louder than she had planed.

I just came to say goodbye

Didn't want you to see me cry

I'm fine but I know it's a lie

Stef smiled at her daughter singing, Taylor was actually quite the singer, she was just so shy that she refused to sing in front of people. Taylor started to go quieter, Stef realized what she was doing, Taylor was singing the part of the song that she felt was her. Stef quietly starting singing when Taylor stopped, causing Taylor to give her a puzzled look.

This is the last night you'll spend alone

Look me in the eyes so I know you know

I'm everywhere you want me to be

The last night you'll spend alone

I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go

I'm everything you need me to be

Your parents say everything is your fault

But they don't know you like I know you

They don't know you at all

I'm so sick of when they say

It's just a phase, you'll be okay, you're fine

But I know it's a lie

This is the last night you'll spend alone

Look me in the eyes so I know you know

I'm everywhere you want me to be

The last night you'll spend alone

I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go

I'm everything you need me to be

The last night away from me

The night is so long when everything's wrong

If you give me your hand, I will help you hold on

Tonight, tonight

This is the last night you'll spend alone

Stef looked to Taylor to make sure she was still listening, it was obvious that the teenager was crying, silently sobbing but there were tears in her eyes. Stef pulled into the parking lot of the park she found Taylor at many times and turned the car off. She hugged her teenage daughter while singing the last verse of the song.

Look me in the eyes so I know you know

I'm everywhere you want me to be

The last night you'll spend alone

I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go

I'm everything you need me to be

I won't let you say goodbye

And I'll be your reason why

The last night away from me, away from me

"I'm so sorry I disappointed you. I didn't want to disappoint you. I'm sorry." Taylor sobbed. "I'm sorry I'm weak. I'm sorry."

Stef had tears silently rolling down her face as Taylor sobbed into her shoulder, "you didn't disappoint me, love. And you're not weak. You're a really strong girl and you could never disappoint me."

**Authors note: **

**This chapter was a bit of story but mostly from personal experiences. My "older brothers" mom is who I based Stef off from. Basically I told a really close friend who has been watching out for me for years and is my older brother and his mom saw my scars while I was hanging out with them. And this is how it played out. I'm so afraid of disappointing everyone who 1) is trying to help me get better 2) doesn't know is keeps telling me I'm going somewhere in life. Anyways, I hope you liked the update and there's a new one coming in the next few days, sorry about that last wait I've been away from home for a little while. Also I do not own the song in this chapter, the song "The last night" is by Skillet. Thanks everyone and lots of love. xo **


	6. Chapter 6

Taylor cringed as she hit the locker again, her ribs hit the side of her locker for the third time and she almost fell over before the three kids beating on her ran off. "Stupid people." Taylor mumbled as she stood and stumbled into the bathroom. "Ugh, it's gonna bruise." Taylor mumbled tenderly touching her ribs.

She ran to her study hall so she wouldn't be counted as late and continued to check the clock to see if the day was almost over and she could go home. How she kept being able to keep the abuse at school form Lena, she didn't understand but she was grateful there was never anyone around to report it.

Carefully getting into the backseat of Lena's car, Taylor flashed a smile. She didn't want to tell her moms about school, it would just cause more drama, something Taylor's life could do without.

When Taylor was finally home she got into her room and fell onto her bed, she knew Stef or Lena would be up in a minute because Taylor wasn't allowed in her room for long alone but Taylor took the minute she had to check her ribs, just as she suspected a bruise started to form across her side.

"Holy shit! " She heard Brandon exclaim. He had stuck his head into Taylor's room, the door only open a crack. "Taylor! What happened?"

"I...I..Nothing!" Taylor stuttered while pulling her shirt over the bruise. "What do you want?" She asked her older brother, the hostility could be heard in her voice.

"Moms asked me if I could come hang out with you while you were in your room. They said that they needed to discuss something but didn't want you up here alone since thats part of your.. you know, so you don't..." Brandon trailed off and looked to the ground, his moms had told him and Callie what Taylor had been doing but let Taylor choose if she wanted to tell the younger kids.

"Oh, right." Taylor nodded looking at her sleeves.

"So can I come in then?" Brandon waited for Taylor to nod before he entered the room and sat down in the chair at Taylor's desk. "What happened to your side? Does moms know?"

Taylor just shook her head no in reply, "I was in a small altercation at school. That's all. It's really nothing, I don't even feel it. It's only a bruise." Taylor was lying through her teeth, her ribs were killing her, and she was having trouble breathing. "Please don't tell moms, I don't want them to know school's bad. They think things have gotten sorta better there." Taylor was pleading, it was the only thing she could do to keep Brandon from telling her moms.

"I can't keep this from them. Taylor, you could have a cracked or broken rib!" Brandon exclaimed, he knew his sister was scared but he couldn't allow her to be attacked at school and not have his moms know about it.

"You don't understand!" Taylor practically cried out, "If you tell moms, and then there's consequences at school, do you think they're going to stop after just shoving me around a few times? Don't you see that by telling someone and hoping to get help, it means only getting hurt worse and dealing with people more often!" Taylor seemed to be emotionless, as if she had gone over this speech a thousand times in her own head, fighting with herself.

"I just want to make sure you're still here when I come back from college, I want to you happy. You're terrified all the time, I don't want you to be. I want you to be able to stop hiding in empty hallways when walking to classes. Tay, I want you to be alive." Brandon was just standing in front of Taylor.

Taylor had turned away from her older brother, when he used her nickname, something only her family could get away with calling her. She was shaking, she hated that people were beginning to see through her fake smiles and small laughs so that they think she was happy.

"You swore." Taylor whispered.

"What?" Brandon was surprised, he was still angry that people were treating his sister so poorly, and that it had be damaging her so badly that she had began to hurt herself. And here she was randomly pointing out the fact that he swore?

"You swore, Lena is gonna freak if she hears." Taylor cracked a half smile. "But please don't tell them? I'm enough of a freak because of these," Taylor paused gesturing towards her arms, "I don't want them to know that everyone in the school hates me too. It's stupid but I just don't want them to know how much of a screw up I am."

Brandon just smiled and sat next to his sister, "Tay, listen to me. A few idiots are taking out their insecurities on you. Not the entire school, I mean look our family makes up half of the high school." He tried joking, "You're not a freak just because you cut, you're a teenage girl who has gotten a bad hand so far in life. But you're gonna be amazing, you're going to do wonderful things. That's why I want you to be happy because you're going to spread that through out the world to kids just like you who need a role model. And if moms were afraid of dealing with screwed up teenagers why are you, Callie and Jesus here?" Taylor's heart sank when Brandon said this, she truly believed he thought she was a screw up. Brandon saw this and hugged her, "I'm kidding, you're not a screw up. None of us are, that's why mom choose all of you. Because they saw how perfect you all were. I won't tell them. But if anything else happens, I'm going to come to your hall in the school. Don't try to stop me, because they need to see that you have someone on your side who is going to beat the crap out of them if they touch you again."

Taylor giggled, Brandon was not one to get into a fight. He liked to pretend he was such a tough guy but he was just a giant teddy bear. Scary looking, but a loving teenage boy with a huge goofy smile and someone who would only fight someone to protect his family.

"I'm gonna go, call for me if you need someone to talk to?" Brandon asked before finally releasing Taylor from the hug.

Taylor nodded, tears in her eyes, "I will." Right before Brandon opened the door, Taylor stopped him, "Brandon? Thank you, you're an amazing older brother, even if we aren't blood. You're my brother. I love you."

Brandon laughed, "Tay, I love you too. You're my sister and I'll go to the edge of the world for you."

**Author's Note: **

**This chapter is based on an interaction with my own real life Brandon and Stef. Things have gotten really bad lately which is one of the reasons I haven't written. Anyways these two people who have been like a mother and older brother have offered to foster me so they can help me with school issues and the self harm issues. But I'm afraid to ask my parents for fear of hurting them. Any advice? Anyways, what did you think of this chapter? I should have another update soon. Thanks! lots of love xoxo. **


	7. Chapter 7

**i know i put a trigger warning on the entire story but this chapter should probably have another. Sorry! Thanks! **

Stef walked into the living room and saw Taylor was sleeping, but noticed her breathing was strange, as if she was about to have a minor asthma attack. Stef walked over to the couch and sat next to her. Taylor sat up quickly her hands in a fist, ready to defend herself. Her breathing was growing quicker and shorter.

"Hey, love it's just me it's okay." Stef whispered to her daughter holding her fists. "Are you okay? It looks like you're having trouble breathing, and you're asleep on the couch on a weekend?"

Taylor just nodded, sitting up and winces as she turned the wrong way and a sharp pain goes through her ribs. "Fine." She grimaced. "I'm not sure why I slept down here, I just couldn't sleep in my bed."

Stef just watched her daughter, "Tell me. Now."

Taylor sighed, there wasn't a lot of people who could read Taylor like an open book but Stef always could. "Okay, but it's not a big deal. I'm fine, it doesn't even hurt." Taylor was playing with the hem of her shirt, not quite ready to show Stef her bruised ribs. "I was in a small altercation at school." Taylor finally exposed to Stef her bruised ribs, a bruise that covered from her lowest rib up to her bra strap.

"Taylor! That's not nothing, that's serious. Who did this!" Stef exclaimed, anger in her eyes. "How can you say that's nothing! You can't let people just hurt you." Seeing how upset Taylor was Stef calmed herself and examined the bruise, it didn't seem like Taylor had a cracked or broken rib, but it was worrying Stef that Taylor was having trouble breathing.

"I'm sorry." Taylor whispered.

"You need to stick up for yourself sweetheart. I've seen you throw a punch, they won't screw with you if you hit them once. You're a great fighter, defend yourself." Stef ignored her daughter's apology, Stef knew that Taylor blamed herself and that's not what she wanted, Stef wanted her daughter to be happier and for people to leave her alone.

"I'm not violent. People have hurt me and I never want to hurt someone else." Taylor shrugged it off like it was nothing.

"Okay, but we can't let you keep getting hurt." Stef said, defeated. It hurt her that her daughter was okay with how people had been treating her, that Taylor didn't see herself as enough of an important person not to allow herself to be abused.

"Can I go out for a run? I want to go to the beach." Taylor asked, changing the topic.

Stef sighed, Taylor always began to freeze on people when she talked about her emotions, or things happening to her, "Don't run because of your ribs but you can walk down and hang out at the beach, I could drive you if you don't want to be alone."

Taylor shook her head no, "Thanks," Taylor flashed a fake smile, "I'm gonna go grab a sweater from upstairs in case it's cold. Then I'll head out." She stood up and ran up the stairs, wanting to get out of the house as quickly as she could.

Standing out at the beach, Taylor took a deep breath, as well as her ribs would currently allow, just to smell the air. She pulled the pencil sharpener out of her jacket pocket, throwing it to the ground, breaking perfectly so that one of the blades landed at Taylor's feet, she bent over to pick it up before continuing to walk further down the beach. hoping to escape any traffic. She had only cut in public once before, but now she was desperate, she never had a minute alone anymore, and she just had to.

Quickly looking over her shoulder to ensure that there was no one around she held the cold piece of metal in her hand, without a word she cut across her arm, once, twice. Five cuts later and she started crying. Watching the blood go across her arm, and two drops fall and stain the sand with a bright red, Taylor was angry, angry that she had spent days working on being clean and then relapsed, and for nothing! A bruise wasn't that big of a deal, and she shouldn't have reacted about her mother knowing, but she did. And the last week of work was gone. Two more quick, frantically placed slashes on the teenager's arms before she felt someone standing behind her so Taylor turned around and fell into her mother's arms, sobbing, "I'm sorry."

"Sweetheart, come on. We need to get to the car. I think I have a first aid kit in there." Stef helped Taylor to her feet and quickly got her to the front passengers seat of her car. Taylor had stopped crying, she didn't feel the pain, she just fell into the seat. "This is deeper than normally." She whispered as Stef searched for the car's first aid kit.

Stef was frantically searching her trunk for the first aid kit, seeing the blood drip from her daughter's arm, almost scared her. She didn't know how to react. She threw one of her kids sweaters out of the trunk.

"It's fine. I found it. There was disinfectant wipes, gauze and some tape. I covered it up." Taylor said as she stuck her arm out to show Stef.

"Why didn't you tell me you found it, I would have helped you wrap it." Stef was still not sure what she was supposed to say, "Do you want to talk?"

Taylor shrugged, "That's my problem, I don't talk. I need to but I'm afraid to. Honestly I'm okay but, I mean... Should we talk?"

Stef was surprised how calm that Taylor could be compared to how she just was, hysterically sobbing and cutting herself. Now, she was calm, thinking clearly, admitting her problems with trusting people. And indirectly asking her mother if she was okay. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to."

"B..bu.. But," Ashamed, Taylor stuttered trying to talk to Stef, "No one has ever seen me, do that before. And I've never seen you scared before, not like that. I've never seen you, look like you were about to cry." When Stef didn't say anything Taylor just shrugged and went to sit in the car but before sitting she looked to her mom, "I cleaned it up and bandaged it myself because I'm ashamed that you know what I've done, I didn't want you to have to look at it anymore than you already have."

Stef just nodded, sitting on the trunk of her car while Taylor finished bandaging her arm. A few tears rolled down Stef's face, she wanted to help her daughter but didn't know how. Everytime they took a step forward, Taylor appeared to be just a bit happier, something sent them back a foot.

"Let's go home." Stef gave Taylor a small smile, trying to hide the fact that she had been crying.

Taylor shook her head no, "Can we go somewhere else?"

Stef nodded, "Of course, let me call home and tell them that we're going to be out for lunch." Taylor nodded and watched her mother as she spoke wearily on the phone, to whom, Taylor wasn't sure.

Stef hung up the phone and faced Taylor, "So where do you want to go?"

Taylor shrugged, "Anywhere? Something fun? I just don't want to go home yet."

Stef nodded, "Okay."

Taylor frowned at the short answers and tense conversation between her and Stef. "I won't do it again. I know that sounds stupid after what you just saw. But I won't do it again. I'm worth more than that."

Stef just nodded, she didn't know what to do with Taylor, therapy didn't seem to help but maybe she should force Taylor to go anyways?

They drove for a few minutes before Stef pulled into the parking lot of a store, "I'll be right back, I'm going to get some bread, then we'll go to the park."

Taylor nodded skeptically, "Okay."

When Stef returned she was carrying a loaf of bread, not saying a word she pulled out of the parking lot and drove to the park. "Come on."

Taylor followed her mother's instructions, she was confused but obeyed her mother, hoping that Stef wouldn't realize that she still had the razor still in her pocket.

Stef started to tear a piece of bread and threw it too a duck sitting near by.

"Don't do that, the seagulls will start coming over." Taylor said cringing her nose. She pulled her feet up onto the bench, resting her chin on her knees, Taylor was careful of her fresh cuts as she removed her sweater and used it as a place to rest her head. "Don't!" She shrieked when a seagull came close to her.

Stef laughed at her daughter, she threw a piece of bread towards her causing a seagull to fly by and grab it. "You're afraid of seagulls?"

Taylor nodded screaming and jumping back every time a bird came near to get food, "Haven't you seen that movie about birds? They attack and kill people!"

Stef laughed again, "You are afraid of seagulls!"

"I am not!" Taylor pouted until another seagull flew by to grab the last piece of bread from the ground causing her to jump back screaming.

"Okay, okay." Stef laughed. "We'll go home now."

Taylor giggled, "Please? And leave the bread here so those stupid birds don't follow!" Taylor's smile was almost as big as her face, something Stef was pleased to see.

The two drove home, as they pulled into the driveway and noticed that the other kids had gone out with Lena when Stef realized that she was supposed to go into the office and finish up some paperwork.

"Will you be okay home alone?" Stef asked her daughter worried.

"I'm alright. I said I wouldn't do it again." Taylor lied while smiling, "And besides you took anything sharp I could hurt myself with away." She said this with full confidence that she still had a razor in her pocket.

"Okay." Stef sighed finally after staring a long time at her daughter. "I guess I don't have much choice."

Taylor smiled and then nodded before running into the house and looking out the window as Stef's car drove off. She could tell that Stef didn't want to leave Taylor alone, especially after today. But Taylor had tricked her mother, the smiles and giggles at the park. It was all just to hide that all she was thinking about was cutting again.

Slowly pulling the blade out of her pocket, now her only tool, she peeled away the bandage on her arm and made a few more cuts, Stef hadn't seen how many there were. Taylor carefully placed three more cuts on her arms.

Placing the blade back in her pocket, she caught sight of herself in a mirror. Her eyes were dull and lifeless. She had never been this bad.

**Author's note: **

**Hey guys, sorry this took awhile to update I couldn't figure out what I wanted to write, and then personal experience. So yeah, as you could probably tell by the last few chapters, things are going so great. Though two important adults in my life know, they're just waiting for the right time to tell me they know. (Like I couldn't figure it out by the way they stare at me long sleeves) Anyways, it might be a few days before I update again, but i will update by the end of the weekend. Lots of love! xoxo Day(s) clean: 0 **


	8. Please read this

Hello fan fiction readers, (please read)

This is Bri's friend, the one she bases Callie's character off from in this story. She gave me her password and asked me to inform you of the following: Bri first wrote this story so that she could deal with a lot of bad things going on in her life. She's bullied constantly at school, even though she refuses to admit it a lot of times. She's physically abused at school and hurt her ribs pretty bad a week or so ago. This along with some drama at her home and at our martial arts school has been taking a toll on her. She's been hurting herself more and more, there's days when she's been so depressed she can't seem to fake a smile anymore. If you look into her eyes you can tell she's already dead inside. A few days ago, she was found on the edge of a bridge walkway by someone who's practically family to us, that's the first person she's told about everything, and she still hasn't told them why just that she hurts herself. They're trying to help her but right now but she's not doing so great. She wants to update her story but as of right now, the person who is helping her really wants her to focus on herself right now. To keep readers pleased, she wanted to ask if you would like to see me continue writing the story following Callie and Taylor the best I can or if you don't mind waiting for a few days, maybe a couple weeks for her to get better.

I hope this disappoint you, she's really trying. I'm just praying that she'll get better because I couldn't live without Bri. Thank you.

~"Callie"


End file.
